Tuesday, July 24

My song for today!

My son went to bed early, at 7:30- I got an hour of painting in before, I decided I didn't like what I was doing...I was trying to paint realistically.....and then painted over that, and now like the 'working' results much better. I am sure ill put down 2-4 coats of paint on it before I deem it as good enough to put on my wall...

my husband is trying to talk me into trying to sell my art at a booth my friend is renting...I am not sure it's worth investing 45 bucks or so, in trying to sell my art. he says that at least i feel like i got it out there in public...

i am horrified at what the public will think of my art, especially my female art...(i have a collection of 5 paintings in our bedroom of my inner self) this is stuff i would try to sell and put well a high price tag on it, because to me it cant never be replaced.....

he doesnt really get IT- that its me hanging on the wall, not just paint, not just colors, it's just not stuff suppose to be eye pleasing..its not really for other people to enjoy (though i would like if someone else like it) we will see...

its much easier for me to sell a photograph but i haven't really edited anything in quite a while...

here's one of my favorite photographs that i have taken and edited..still needs something..
its suppose to bring reflections on what you think about religion

another photo I have taken...

also click on the pictures they look a lot better- frekin blogger

any how i have to much time on my hands today...three freaking blogs..





















here's the song i wanted to post...right now its the only song i am really digging from the album..


Big Wheel

by Tori Amos

album: American Do

ll Posse (2007)

***I've been on the other side
Got my lips smacked now they're dry
Then you call me call in
You think I am your possession You're
Messing with a Southern girl
But my recipe is on. With your
stale bread, yeah it's hot But
Baby I don't need your cash
so Baby maybe I let your

Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
Turn that whiskey into rain
Wash you away
Wash you away
Wash you away boy***

I've been on my knees
But you're so ***hard*** hard to please
But you take me ***take me*** in
So you are a superstar
Get off the cross
We need the wood
Somehow you will rise
But ***without a tool***
I know honey you're a pro
But Baby I don't need your cash
Mama got it all in hand now

Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
Turn that whiskey into rain
Wash you away
Wash you away boy
Wash you away now

Gimme eight
Gimme seven
Gimme six
Gimme five
Gimme four
Gimme three

***I I*** I am a M.I.L.F don't you forget
M.I.L.F don't you forget
M.I.L.F don't you forget
Baby I don't need your cash
So baby maybe I'll leave

Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
Turn that whiskey into rain
Big wheel turn my fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinking down your pain
Turn that whiskey into rain
Turn your whiskey boy

just stop me now

More info on corporate ownership! and those who are on the top of the ladder.

this is why i think, democracy is own by the corporations. and why i am scared of one day being thrown in a 'terrorist camp'

(i write this because I have no life, am addicted to wikipedia-)

Factoids
Richard Parsons: is the chairman of the board and chief executive officer of Time Warner.

Salary:
10.64 million-

Background:A liberal African-American Republican, (please explain that sentence for me)

at which time he was invited to work as a lawyer for the staff of the then New York Governor Nelson Rockefeller. When Rockefeller was appointed Vice President of the United States, in 1974, Parsons followed him to Washington D.C., where he worked directly with President Gerald Ford. He also met a deputy attorney general, Harold R. Tyler, and one his aides, a young Rudolph W. Giuliani,---who is running for the Republican bid in 2008-

So i am going to make an educated guess that he may contribute to his campaign funds...

with whom he was to be closely associated - supporting him in his campaign for New York mayor and heading his transitional council

so yeah no dought in my mind he will be backing his presidential campaign...

--please insert scary music, before this quote-

In 2001, United States President George W. Bush selected Parsons to co-chair a commission on Social Security. Parsons also worked on the transition team for Michael Bloomberg, who was elected Mayor of New York City in 2001. In 2006, Parsons was selected to co-chair the transition team for the incoming Governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer.[

JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

Just something to think about-

These are the things that worry, puzzle me, and what I like to learn more about. The next little entry is stream of thought, so bare with me.


http://www.tacoda.com/

This scares me- I know that this type of marketing and advertising has been around for a while, But are we ever going to be free of the advertisement?

Do they own us? Who is the THEY?

What type of personality do you fit in? look at the website-

just a note, Tacoda was just bought by AOL, who owns AOL? Time Warner cable.

This is what Time Warner owns. (they use to own a lot more. But broke down the company into 4 companies, maybe not to lose out on stock, maybe to gain more in the future?)
Time Warner Inc.
vde
[hide]
Corporate Directors
Jim Barksdale · Steve Bollenbach · Frank Caufield · Robert Clark · Mathias Döpfner · Jessica Einhorn · Reuben Mark · Michael Miles · Ken Novack · Richard Parsons · Francis Vincent · Deborah Wright · Ed Zander

Who are these people, what are there afflications, do these afflications affect what we see? what we hear? what we think?

AOL
AIM · CompuServe · ICQ · In2TV · MapQuest · Mirabilis · Moviefone · Netscape · Nullsoft · Singingfish · TMZ.com (with Telepictures) · Weblogs, Inc. · Winamp
Home Box Office
Cinemax and various multiplex channels · HBO and various multiplex channels · HBO Films
New Line Cinema
New Line Cinema · New Line Records · New Line Television · Picturehouse (with HBO)
Time Inc.
Business 2.0 · Entertainment Weekly · Essence · Fortune · In Style · IPC Media · Life · Money · NME · People · People en Español · Real Simple · Sports Illustrated · Southern Living · Sunset · Time · Wallpaper*
Time Warner Cable
Road Runner · Capital News 9 · News 8 Austin · News 10 Now · News 14 Carolina · NY1 · R News · Metro Sports · Time Warner Sports 26 · Time Warner Sports Milwaukee · SportsNet New York (part ownership) · Sí TV (investment)
Turner Broadcasting System
See separate list of Turner assets
Warner Bros. Entertainment
Castle Rock Entertainment · DC Comics · The CW (co-owned with CBS) · Kids' WB! · Monolith Productions · Telepictures Productions · Warner Bros. Animation · Warner Bros. Family Entertainment · Warner Bros. Pictures · Warner Bros. Television · Warner Bros. Television Distribution · Warner Home Video · Warner Independent Pictures · Warner Premiere

Going back to Tacado-


Included in their website are success stories-

Here are some quotes-

Snapple Premium Green Tea is the healthiest tea
available on the market and that drinking it should be part of a
daily healthy routine.

How does one know that it is the healthiest tea? Do we as a consumer ever ask, why and how is it good for us?

hummm what are your thoughts?

Sunday, July 22

Lyrics that touch your heart

One by one the teardrops fall as I write you
One by one my words come falling on the page
One by one my dreams are fading in the twilight
One by one my schemes are fading fast away
One by one the flowers fading in my garden
One by one the leaves are falling from the trees
One by one my hopes are vanished in the clouds clear
One by one like snowflakes melting in the breeze
One by one my hair is turning gray
One by one my dreams are fading fast away
One by one I read your letters over
One by one I lay them all away
One by one the days are slipping up behind you
One by one the sweetest days of life go by
One by one the moments stealing out behind you
One by one she'll come and find not you or I
One by one I hear the soft words that you whispered
One by one I feel your kisses soft and sweet
One by one I hope you'll say the words to marry
One by one to one by one forever be

found on mermaid ave 1998 produced by-wilco
and

Woody Guthrie

toys

if i knew now what i know now, my child would have a lot less toys.

because it seems that my keys, forks and daddy's work shirt keeps him pretty amused.

I have also found if he is getting pretty cranky at the store or the farmers market that we go to on the weekend, hand him a fruit or veggie to play with. seriously he is like a small rabbit he nicks or eats the fruit with his two little teeth, and its a new discovery. it also stops him from fussing. also bottles of water does the trick any time. but if you hand him a toy, nah.

right now he is having a conversation with Sebastion kitty, and then grabbing for a came controller. he has master the backwards crawl, and the forward scoot. but cant crawl traditionally froward. he has stood up a few times on his own.

i like watching him grow, now hes trying to eat the coffee table to much cutness for me in the morning.

Wednesday, July 18

work?

Its hard for me to keep up, with my thoughts, emotions and feelings.
I feel that, my attention span is leaving me. I am in a million places at once, problem is that I am forgetting to clean up the crumbs.
I am putting a lot of things on my back burner, and my pots are starting to melt.

This past weekend, I was feeling overwhelmed by things I like to call the ‘gender sterotype’

I am not a stay at home mom. Charles at the moment is playing the role as Mr. Mom. I hate that phrase. He is off from school for the summer. The first summer he has taken from class. A lot of people look at us strangely because I make more Money then he does. I am the practical provider.

To me this is all a bunch of hog wash. In my perfect world, (where I do not live) I would work three days a week make more money, and feel like I have balance.

I would have enough me time, no one would question my choices; I wouldn’t feel guilt for not being there all the time for my child.

But reality is, my child still loves me, and still smiles at me every time I come home from work. My time is mostly quality time. Even as I was dishes I sing him songs and play with him while he is in high chair.

I do get frustrated, I don’t make enough money, I am bored and overqualified for my current job. I am at work because of the small benefits it has, like paying my bills- There’s a million other jobs I would be better at, that I would take more seriously, but I feel stuck in a rut. I can’t be the stay at home mom, I was jumping the walls when I was there. So? What should I do.

I am by nature more nurturing, but if we go back in time, I would have Ezra strapped to me while I worked in my garden or brewed my tonics or etc.

I guess I get frustrated by the process of it all.

We are looking for daycare for my son-I don’t want him in daycare. I wish I could work from home, that if I was at home I would have multiple roles. I wish he could come to work with me, be right downstairs. Not an option. I wish, I could clone myself.
But daycare has its benefits.

Sigh I lost my train of thoughts…

Thursday, July 12

sick

I have been sick. Bacteria entered into my habitat that is my body and destroy its natural form. I had a fever, chills, and aches. I am slowly recovering. I have moments that I feel like I have enough energy to climb a mountain, and then I slowly collapse back into my chair.
It doesn’t help that I become an emotional mess when I am not feeling up to par. Thus I had a long talk with my husband about our ‘marriage’.
There are issues in our relationship that need a band aid. We need to spend time together as Carrie and Charles- We take our roles as parents pretty damn seriously, and sometimes we forget that we need time to enjoy one another. Its hard when you are still fairly new to each other to juggle it all. And we have yet to master it.

Hopefully I will feeling somewhat complete when we drive to Columbus this weekend. I need a mini-vacation. It will be good for us, to visit friends we rarely get to see, and get outside our daily element.

I really do hate not having good music in the morning. We have one mp3 player, that Charles stole back from me that just sits in his car. He is a junkie to NPR and I don’t see why he needs it. I can handle NPR but I need beats, lyrics and music, especially in the morning.

So if I hear one more ‘Panic at the disco’ song I am going to shoot someone. Seriously I can only handle so much, and I have played out the cds that do rest in my car. I need a solution. I guess it’s just time to put more of my music back on the mp3 player, and steal it back.

Sorry if this blog is not in any order, it’s just sorta my thoughts.

So Jill suggested that we might attend some natural parents party on Friday night. Em, I said I wasn’t up to that much of a social situation. I know that she needs to meet new friends, but there’s only so much social I can do. I am shy; some people take shy as being bitchy and withdrawn from the crowd. But that is not the case.
I am not good at small talk, I am quite horrible at it. I like to get to know someone; I mean pull back their layers expose their skin. I get hurt easily by people, even though I been pulled in the mud, and shit upon quite a few times- I still give people my heart, I am sweet, and kind. Thus I can be taken advantage of, so I don’t trust easily, and again get hurt easily. It takes me a while.
So I feel like I met my quota of meeting my new friends for the next six months. Because with new friends, come their friends…
Then well you throw my partner in crime in the mix, and he still is getting adjusted to friends I have had for most of my life time. I also married a man who is also hard to get to know, sometimes amazingly enough he can be more anti-social then myself. But other times, especially when he has had a few cocktails, he’s the life of the party.
So, yeah…

Friday, July 6

I need

a vacation-

where no one can come along just me.

i need a credit card i never haft to pay back

where i can just breath, and go, and think, and not have to deal with reality

just for a little while.

Monday, July 2

Homogeneous a word that describes my work life
The same, non-changing, silent, muted

(Note if you look up silent in a thesaurus you will get a synonym of dumb)

I want to flee from this prison that is the work world. Where all the robots park their cars in the same direction, backing in, not pulling forward.
I rebel against this manifested idea
I can not live in a world where you must enter backwards before forwards.

--------------------------

Bug bites. Full moon embrace, a few sips of red wine, good friends.

Saturday I went to Imago earth center. I am surprised that I haven’t walked the trails before, because in the past I lived about ½ mile away from the center. It was a good night. Ezra was his chill baby self, I have to get over my mama self and think that he is disturbing everyone.
The music was good. Afterwards I decided to go back to Miss Namoi’s abode and chill for a while. It was good conversation, and I got to scoot away from the crowd and paint for a while. Which I needed, not at all my best work of art, but it was a good outlet for the voices inside my head.

I hope that I didn’t bum to many smokes, a habit I must get over while drinking.
I am an ex-smoker, quit with the bun in the oven. Quite Recently when drinking, and extremely stressed out, I have turn back to the demon that is a good smoke. People don’t get it when I try to explain to me it is really the mental addiction that I have yet to beat.
I was very close to be being there, amazingly enough with a child in the hospital I didn’t smoke at all. But…
I physically can go days or weeks with out a smoke, and well I have. But in a social setting, where I have more then three drinks, I want my old friend. Or at the funeral of my friend, guess who was there to hold my hand?? Camel Joe. Am I a bad person for smoking 3-5 smokes in an evening of drinking, or outside a funeral home, NO, I am not a horrible person, or a bad mother. But I feel like a hypocrite, Because I am the warning of chemicals that other people put in their body. Like process meats, diet cokes, energy drinks and Tyson chicken, and the list goes on and on (till literally I annoy myself). This doesn’t mean that I am perfect; I have stayed away from everything that is bad. I love my cake, and have it to. But I am that annoying person who will tell you where you can get organic or free-range chicken for cheep, or like .05 pound more. I know and don’t expect everyone to afford organic or eat that way, but I am anal about a few food things.
Please note I do not judge you for your food choices, my husband’s comfort food is a big Mac, and I sleep in the same bed with him every night.
Organic formula for Ezra. Quite frankly the list of shit that’s in formula scares me, but lets get real. When I am apart from him, such as work, my breast pump doesn’t always pump as much milk as he decides to drink in the day. I sadly don’t have a stock hold of it in my freezer to give out, when he’s with the company of other people. I once had a stock hold of milk and he drank it all up, seriously have you seen my son. So I am anal about buying organic formula, and well I still go for the cheapest of the lot- and amazingly enough I found a huge can at Kroger’s for cheaper then regular formula.
Taurine- I just cant drink anything with this chemical in it, it makes me loopier then I already am. It makes me also sick. So for an energy drink I drink, green tea or coffee. Which are both good for you.
I will bitch about aspartame and Tyson chicken, but I also bitch about Wal-Mart, and lets face it I have had to shop there.
But not for a long time, and not around here.

Anyhow where the fuck was I, I went on a long food tangent. I must be hungry!
I went to bed to late, I have a son who abides with his middle name.
He rises no matter what with the sun, and hes been that way since he was born.
Seriously if its cloudy in the morning he will sleep later, but at soon as he sees or feels the sun hes up and awake.

So I was sleep deprived Sunday, and that tends to make me spacey and bitchy. Thus I was spacey and bitchy on Sunday.

Plus for an hour I lost my car keys in the corner of our futon. Sigh!

Anyway-
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