not one for posed moments

Its been a busy weekend, just got in from ticker treating.. I realized, that I am not one for posed moments, If I want to look back on the pages of my life I want to remember how things really have been, not a framed perfect photograph. My life is not perfect, there are moments of joy and sorrow, and then daily living in between. it's my goal to make every day have a moment of just being. It's just me, I am not framed, nor should the people in my life be framed. I want to remember my little one sticking is hand in a basket to get one more piece, or the smile on his face. I want to remember how my husbands eyes sparkle.

excited

about my creative writting poetry class for next term. I also enjoy the professor I had, so this will be good. Yes the poetry class will allow me to escape from urine and blood! Urine and blood will allow me to feed my family in the future, where poetry will not. I enjoy the poetry, and with urine abd blood I will be helping people but still not total frying my morals for a job. I have sadly realize, that if I get a tiny bit of enjoyment out of my work that is good enough, and that a part of working is just for the paycheck. I once was idealistic and thought my art, my writting would, make money, or i would be great and famous, or i would make great change in democracy, ahh that was just a dream..

the itch

every time i get the baby itch, i decided to go steal another kid for a day to see how it might be like. yesterday i did this, and took my friends son who is 4 and ezra to the zoo. it was there Halloween fest, the last day, and it was warm, so everyone and there mama was there.. did i say i hate crowds? the day went alright, except for the half and hour where ezra would not stop crying.. juggling two little hands, and one (my child) who doesn't listen really well to there mama always..was difficult, there were sweet moments of holding hands and hugs, but then there was screaming and kicking legs (my child) after the free ice cream cups at the treat station, they were both little angels (of course i ran them around the jungle trails) and we went to the rice house, where i thought they would kick me out for there hilarious laughter...
this was not my first trip with multiple children this weekend, I took my brother in law (who i feel more like aunt to since he's going on 12) and my nephew who's 5, and ezra to a carnival..the were all well behaved, but the conlusion there was multiple kids are very expensive.. they all had to play the games, where for ezra the total sum would be 2 dollars, this added up to be about 6-8 dollars, each ride the train and go into the very unscary haunted barn

ok

charles got another grant, for being a poor person, and whoo another loan! so no selling a whole lot of plasma multiple times a day till we die...

feeling

fucked, apparently one of charles grants was declined or canceled, hoping, actually praying that this is some technical error, if not we need to find two grand, real quick like..maybe i should become a escort, nah i am not that pretty and my boobs are not big, gambling? karma should owe me one, i am a good person@

spent the weekend

I spent the weekend in nature visiting with my girl scout leader at her home out in the wildness down in the hills and valleys of Rockcastle county. Everything was so quiet, though you could still hear the highway though the trees. She is unfortunately struggling with cancer, I would say dying, but she is still vibrant and kicking cancer's ass! though it's still sad thinking about death- but i really feel living in the world of nature is making her live longer and stronger-
Though for my self, I woke up coughing from the mold, and now have a body of strange bites and itches