healthy start

i have my second therapy appointment, and even though right now I feel fucked up afterwords, I am at least trying to deal with my life, and mental issues..
I am also on day 5- of quitting smoking, I can't ever say I won't smoke again, but I am trying cold turkey, and my ultimate goal is never to buy my own smokes, so if i have a drink and smoke i am not going to be mad at myself, i just can never have my own supply and since i live in a household of non smoking, and turn down smokes at school today, i am feeling pretty ok for myself...

whats up with me

a lot, but very little. I know I should start blogging. But emm, i don't know- I got done with another quarter, got straight b's, not bad..it's hard shit. I started seeing a therapist, am on my millionth attempt to quit smoking, i am trying to be social..la thats about it...

april poem

Owe you, what?
Every bottle picked
dish washed
cloth hanged
floor swept

In your name

Every block picked
vomit soaked
ass wiped
child bore

In your name

Every insult
lie
criticism
tear

witnessed, in your name

Every scream
push
hesitance
look

In your name

Every smile
laugh
breath
dance
kiss
bed
touch
caress

Owe you, what? Dear Husband
Did you fail to notice?
All the bottles, I picked up
Papers now thrown
To trash.
All your clothes hung
all the floor swept?

They were all in your name
My lord

I also picked up all his blocks
Soaked up the vomit
Spewed
And wiped his ass

Let’s not forget he has your name
Not mine
Sweet lord

And please let’s not forget
All the tears drained
Every insult, you’ve given
Lie I’ve taken

Just for you
Sweet Lord



Owe you, what? Dear Husband (second ending)
Did you fail to notice?
All the bottles, I picked up
Papers now thrown
To trash.
All your clothes hung
all the floor swept?

They were all in your name
My lord

I also picked up all his blocks
Soaked up the vomit
Spewed
And wiped his ass

Let’s not forget he has your name
Not mine
Sweet lord

And please let’s not forget
All the tears drained
Every insult, you’ve given
Lie I’ve taken

Just for you
Sweet Lord
My one and only
(but then again,
There will be another smile
Laugh
And a long breath
Between a dance
And a kiss, a caress
Oh ‘sweet lord’)