My favorite place in the world

This is my favorite place in the world. The town in the mountain. Not the best picture by far, but our scanner is disconnected and I don't feel like pulling out my pictures from Nepal. Because I long to go back. It's my land of imagination, freedom, self discovery and bliss.

My everyday life is going. I have lost track of time, and I remind myself I need to ground myself again. When I am lost, like I am in this moment, I start to float. I take the days as they come, in turn i dismiss the practicalities of every day living. Meaning I procrastinate on what I should be getting done. But tomorrow is a new day, and I will make my calls, book my appointments, and get the shit done. I will turn into the super organized Carrie.

But today I feel rather lonely. I guess it's that I am so far a part from the American culture. I was invited to 'grill out', but decided to just sit. Gas is to high, and I don't fucking eat meat, or like the taste of beer. I am not going to hang my American flag. I am just going to sit. Organize pictures, and think of all the moments pass.
My family is scattered, I have a better relationship with my father then my mother.
My mother tends to bring guilt and sadness to my door. The story is a quilt, thick, cold, hot, damp. I love my mother, I relate to her being, but at the same time, there's a part of her that will never accept a part of me.
I will pass that thought- I have a huge extended family, but they are like weeds in a garden. I will pass on by them, not really remembering how I am related to them. It's so tangled like thistles on a rose bush. My mother's family, I have always been and always will be the black sheep. I am not in the materialistic life. I am scapegoat for them so they can hide away from their imperfections. I know there's a part of longing that my mother feels, I feel a longing too. To have a companion, a sister soul mate. But my own blood sister, is a stranger to me.
So my real family is small.

I accept the lonely condition, I don't like the drama that comes living in to close of relations.
I stray away from my in-laws. I do this because an ex's of mine, parents were more in love with me, then he was. I was the perfect catch in their eyes. So i am shy and distant, and keep my mouth clenched tight, when it comes to my sister in law. She tends to make choices that I don't understand. Choices I would never make, but her life is a different road then my own.
I always feel that they think I am bitchy in my distance. Shrugs