Monday, July 2

Homogeneous a word that describes my work life
The same, non-changing, silent, muted

(Note if you look up silent in a thesaurus you will get a synonym of dumb)

I want to flee from this prison that is the work world. Where all the robots park their cars in the same direction, backing in, not pulling forward.
I rebel against this manifested idea
I can not live in a world where you must enter backwards before forwards.

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Bug bites. Full moon embrace, a few sips of red wine, good friends.

Saturday I went to Imago earth center. I am surprised that I haven’t walked the trails before, because in the past I lived about ½ mile away from the center. It was a good night. Ezra was his chill baby self, I have to get over my mama self and think that he is disturbing everyone.
The music was good. Afterwards I decided to go back to Miss Namoi’s abode and chill for a while. It was good conversation, and I got to scoot away from the crowd and paint for a while. Which I needed, not at all my best work of art, but it was a good outlet for the voices inside my head.

I hope that I didn’t bum to many smokes, a habit I must get over while drinking.
I am an ex-smoker, quit with the bun in the oven. Quite Recently when drinking, and extremely stressed out, I have turn back to the demon that is a good smoke. People don’t get it when I try to explain to me it is really the mental addiction that I have yet to beat.
I was very close to be being there, amazingly enough with a child in the hospital I didn’t smoke at all. But…
I physically can go days or weeks with out a smoke, and well I have. But in a social setting, where I have more then three drinks, I want my old friend. Or at the funeral of my friend, guess who was there to hold my hand?? Camel Joe. Am I a bad person for smoking 3-5 smokes in an evening of drinking, or outside a funeral home, NO, I am not a horrible person, or a bad mother. But I feel like a hypocrite, Because I am the warning of chemicals that other people put in their body. Like process meats, diet cokes, energy drinks and Tyson chicken, and the list goes on and on (till literally I annoy myself). This doesn’t mean that I am perfect; I have stayed away from everything that is bad. I love my cake, and have it to. But I am that annoying person who will tell you where you can get organic or free-range chicken for cheep, or like .05 pound more. I know and don’t expect everyone to afford organic or eat that way, but I am anal about a few food things.
Please note I do not judge you for your food choices, my husband’s comfort food is a big Mac, and I sleep in the same bed with him every night.
Organic formula for Ezra. Quite frankly the list of shit that’s in formula scares me, but lets get real. When I am apart from him, such as work, my breast pump doesn’t always pump as much milk as he decides to drink in the day. I sadly don’t have a stock hold of it in my freezer to give out, when he’s with the company of other people. I once had a stock hold of milk and he drank it all up, seriously have you seen my son. So I am anal about buying organic formula, and well I still go for the cheapest of the lot- and amazingly enough I found a huge can at Kroger’s for cheaper then regular formula.
Taurine- I just cant drink anything with this chemical in it, it makes me loopier then I already am. It makes me also sick. So for an energy drink I drink, green tea or coffee. Which are both good for you.
I will bitch about aspartame and Tyson chicken, but I also bitch about Wal-Mart, and lets face it I have had to shop there.
But not for a long time, and not around here.

Anyhow where the fuck was I, I went on a long food tangent. I must be hungry!
I went to bed to late, I have a son who abides with his middle name.
He rises no matter what with the sun, and hes been that way since he was born.
Seriously if its cloudy in the morning he will sleep later, but at soon as he sees or feels the sun hes up and awake.

So I was sleep deprived Sunday, and that tends to make me spacey and bitchy. Thus I was spacey and bitchy on Sunday.

Plus for an hour I lost my car keys in the corner of our futon. Sigh!

Anyway-
Back to reallity

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