meat

makes me sick- after almost half my life without it, I have taken made errors in sight, and made mistakes in tasting.
lets see to many visits to the porcelain god, and stomach cramps-

Ferris wheels

Life is one to me-

I realize I have a pot of anger burning in my stomach. The sources are many, things that I throw back with a grain of salt. Things that I swallow, things that I just accept as unchanging. I do not know what to do with my pot. I use to have healthy productive outlets, but they are hiding in the closet, with the lack of time.
I know I am making excuses. Why don't I deal with what is bothering me, why do I hide? Why do I try to sugar coat everything- it's fake, and I hate fake.
Why can't I just say that's shitty? why do I sit?
I am in one of those places again, I want to get out-

On the sunnier sides of things- Because usually I am just that type of girl that sits underneath a tree and plays with the dirt-

My little boy is growing up into an incredibly smart kid, who is fearless- he went on the ferris wheel today (with me), and trust me it scared the shit out of me. But he was perfect gentleman. He also rode the helicopters, metal cars...
Next spring is going to be a blast-

I am working on a peice

of actual creative writing that's been swimming around my head for the past few days over the crazy weather, tied into the association of human behavior...look for it-

Tomorrow is my first day of work, oh joy- my job is for a field organizer for a democracy running for congress-It makes my head hurt, on how they are doing things, based on how I have been trained, and seen a well run machine work-
Such as right now they need to end their canvass, oh yeah, already have that info, and start working on getting people out to vote-
but yeah, whatever it's a paycheck, and i asked for more responsibilities, but I don't have the time for it---yeah for being overqualified and under paid!

i am suppose to go out on Saturday, but if my parents still don't have any power, those plans are off-- and then i just give up-- and Ezra is showing signs of another lovely virus, so he comes first you know, over every thing else...

i wanted to do a photo shoot of nature's destruction, but my college was the only one open...so school--- I have a test tomorrow

2?

As I took Ezra to the park, I was thinking that he needed a companion, other then mommy to play with. This is the first time in a long while, I have had the urge for another child.
The urge died down, after we left the park and he was all tears.
It's an internal struggle if I want to have more children. Growing up as a only child, I know the downsides of it.
But after this last weekend, I also see the downsides of having a sibling.
It's a tough choice, I just don't know when I am really ready to have kids again, financially and mentally ready. If I will really want to go through the diapers, tantrums, etc. Shrugs, we will know one day.

In other Mama news, we are coming to the age of two. With this I have seen the increase of tantrums. More words, yeah! but not as many as I like, counting, the love Clifford the big red dog, and the mine stages, shyness mixed into random grabbing and touching! It's interesting watching something going through the process of ego, and mimicking behaviors.

On that note, I got to go to bed, to go to school. This weekend I am officially back to making capital- and back to working on the election cycle.

oh if I am asked if I am registor to vote again, I might scream! I know it's a great thing to do,(and granted I have asked folks the same question)- But Christ I voted for Nader, in the election that Gore ran against Bush- call me an old fart!

Back to school-

Well that's where I am again. It's really strange going back to school, with a whole different brain then when I started. Almost ten years has pass for me. Yes I started college when I was 17, and close to 27, my life is a lot different.
I feel like I should give some of these kids some advice, but then I step away.
Everyone has their own path, and its taken me a bit of time to realize what I should be doing is not what I originally signed up to do.
But when I started I was 17- why would I know at the age what I wanted to do for the next 35 years?
I enjoy learning, I have realized I might need to relax a little, but I take this trip in school a lot differently then I did the first one.

I will be working on several art pieces, using 60's fashions and facial expressions. and then finishing my abstract ocean/fish piece. wish me luck on finding the time, i have also picked up a few books to read, and will soon be working part-time again.

I have kind of gave up my domestic duties for a while.