Am I?

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep. My mind was buzzing with electricity. I hated each and every pillow that we have on our bed. Every way I turned I couldn’t relax.
Thoughts raced like dancing fireflies.

I wondered am I a good person, would I hang out with myself, if I was out of my body?

There are moments when I don’t like the thoughts that pulse through my head. They are usually about a person. Sometimes I will mutter what I am thinking, and pray that no one will hear me. I understand where these thoughts steam from, usually from my issues with jealousy, or this judgmental side of me.
I am jealous, of petty things. It’s the grass is greener on the other side bit. In reality I am pretty happy, but there’s this little part of me that wants something more.

There’s another me the one who self sensors. I know I am doing it. I don’t like to hurt people, even though it might be in the long run for their betterment. I self sensor because I don’t know if I am judging them; or I am actually correct on my observations on their behavior? I am soft spoken. I can be combative, usually and only when I am comfortable enough with the people to be. I really don’t always….

I guess right now I feel like I am changing-

I guess right now I feel like hiding in a hole-

I guess right now I am considering going to therapy-
I am wondering if this is all generated from my lack of sleep