papa's got a new bag

you got to hit up the greats like james brown, you got to dance, you got to get messy, and say shit dogs a couple of times to really live.

i am finally sitting down to write, to type, to think out words, oh words, oh words

the mama part of me..

i knew i was going to be a mother, before i went and peed on three sticks (one turn out negative, had to be sure) I was tired, and eating, and couldn't concentrate on anything that lasted more then a second. thats how i knew, i knew i was going to be a mama.
for a while i was fighting with this new identity, not that i didnt want to be a mother, i just didnt want that to be everything i was. i didnt want to lose my sense of self that i built, that young roamer, the self made woman, the college graduate.
before ezra i wasn't a mama or a wife, i was a partner in crime, still trying to make up my mind where i fit in this wacky old world.
well i am finding it, and being a mama isn't easy, especially when your child was a very unexpected surprise. i chose to have him, and he has granted me with more patience then ever found before, and i get to re-learn all these beautiful things.. like how great a cookie taste, how interesting a lid is, and i admire him.

I admire the fact that he doesn't understand the concept of rules or authority, it's might be odd. but my child is totally free, and that's beautiful!

as time goes on i realize that my other me is not compromised but has grown stronger from all the new things that i face each day. from the moment where i thought i lost him, to his first step with out him holding my hand, to the smile he gives me each day, the random hug with out a reason, its just neat..