disembodied

its been a week, of slight depression, change and adapting. My change just seems to be a circle that isn't going anywhere very fast. I have been trying to push forward, and feel like i am only pushed back again, onto the same spot, on the same path. because i have a family and when i take a blow, I have to step to the plate again, and do things only for financial reasons. such as going back to my 'old' job, at an 'old familiar place', a place that i really don't want to go back to again, but there are bills to be paid, diapers to be purchased, milk to buy.
I really thought that I was going to get ahead, a ha there's that slinky depression coming back in my brain. I will get a head, I always come back on top, even if I have to go to the bottom again.
It's a election year, I can take my 'old job' till something pans out, and I already have had a few calls. so something will improve, I will feel like I have some 'worth'.
ill manage a calender and check email starting on weds again, yawns.

but my self imposed therapy tonight was painting. i stuck with three colors, that make a bout a million shades. I picked an aqua blue, a red, and white. Then I got out my economy gesso, and painted disembodied human forms on two canvasses. they are broken, fixed, human, but not. they are strange shapes, man and woman, thought and thinker. colors bending into a soup of a strange purples, light pinks, violent reds, bright shiny white.
I don't know why i am feeling these forms? is it me on a canvass or my imagination? for one painting had drips of other color's, a yellow of a strange moon, a green of dark glen, a red of a thistle, and the other just white and empty, with another strange blue female body, sitting and looking and me, saying 'please paint me a companion on this lonely canvass'

i know i will re-work these. my happy fish painting is almost done though, just a few more touches and it will be ready for ezra's room. I can't take credit for the fish for its a painting composed by two artists. :)