I don't Know where I am going

I know where I have been, but i don't know where I am going.
How do the pieces fit? I have this bag of half painted canvass. There are paintings ripped up and destroyed. A broken Idea in a bag. My idea, brilliant at the time, was that art is subjective. my painting was pieces of a puzzle, one with out a clear idea, that the person viewing would put together. thus making their own art, out of my, jumbled ideas and feelings.
One night stoned, my friends in san fran, put me together, and I tore it a part-
Now, I might grab a sowing kit, pick up some wood, and piece my canvasses together. maybe in doing so, I will piece myself back together again. the project I know will take years to complete, because after I sowed it, I will have to repaint, maybe make some coherent. then perhaps I will find myself?

My transcripts are being sent in on Monday, i been slacking on actually going in, and deciding to go back to school. But as I sit, I know I am not getting anywhere here. Idealistically I would want to do something lofty, study liberal arts till my heart is filled. but I entered into real world, and went on a journey long before, so I have to do something in the end that will make a buck, that I won't want to stick needles in my eyes. my end goal, is not to have the biggest house on the block. but to have enough capital to own land far from city limits, and have enough capital to send my kid off to private school.

But I still don't know where I am actually going, I always believed in faith will take me to where I need to go. she's been a bitch lately, and I am struggling with it. I love staying at home with my son, but long for conversation and learning.

I am still finding myself...

How did I get here- has been a crazy path