work?

Its hard for me to keep up, with my thoughts, emotions and feelings.
I feel that, my attention span is leaving me. I am in a million places at once, problem is that I am forgetting to clean up the crumbs.
I am putting a lot of things on my back burner, and my pots are starting to melt.

This past weekend, I was feeling overwhelmed by things I like to call the ‘gender sterotype’

I am not a stay at home mom. Charles at the moment is playing the role as Mr. Mom. I hate that phrase. He is off from school for the summer. The first summer he has taken from class. A lot of people look at us strangely because I make more Money then he does. I am the practical provider.

To me this is all a bunch of hog wash. In my perfect world, (where I do not live) I would work three days a week make more money, and feel like I have balance.

I would have enough me time, no one would question my choices; I wouldn’t feel guilt for not being there all the time for my child.

But reality is, my child still loves me, and still smiles at me every time I come home from work. My time is mostly quality time. Even as I was dishes I sing him songs and play with him while he is in high chair.

I do get frustrated, I don’t make enough money, I am bored and overqualified for my current job. I am at work because of the small benefits it has, like paying my bills- There’s a million other jobs I would be better at, that I would take more seriously, but I feel stuck in a rut. I can’t be the stay at home mom, I was jumping the walls when I was there. So? What should I do.

I am by nature more nurturing, but if we go back in time, I would have Ezra strapped to me while I worked in my garden or brewed my tonics or etc.

I guess I get frustrated by the process of it all.

We are looking for daycare for my son-I don’t want him in daycare. I wish I could work from home, that if I was at home I would have multiple roles. I wish he could come to work with me, be right downstairs. Not an option. I wish, I could clone myself.
But daycare has its benefits.

Sigh I lost my train of thoughts…