rambling

Motherhood is a part of me- so this blog is about it, if you don't want sap- move on

my little boy has transferred into a big boy bed. This process reminds me that I no longer have a baby. Soon I will no longer visit the baby toddler sections in the store. Even though he likes his special choo cup with a lid, he has been drinking out of regular cups for sometime, with out many spills. Soon his special cup will be phased out, and he rapidly growing into boys clothes. He is 75% potty trained- I will pushing harder for poo always in the potty when its warmer. A part of me is sadden by all of this. (not really the potty training, but the whole baby aspect)
A part of me is excited to see him grow. But I realize there will be a time where I am not needed, that he will no longer want to play blocks or trains, and shows on pbs kids will be boring and out of his age group.
I know I have a few years for that to happen-
I guess the question is will or do I want another child? and is that fesiable.
ever?
We struggle with money, and need more space then we have already. Affording it while we both are going to school is a nay say. When I am out, done with my planning for a better financial freedom. Will I want another child? I was not able to cope with working and two kids. Will I even be able to send the second to daycare even if it partially like the E-man.
Physically I have a time-line if I don't have my second child by the time I am 33-34. I am done, the risks of complications go up, and my energy goes down.
I will be turning 28 this year, that give me what five years to decided, or not to decided- in five years ezra will be seven- do i want to start all over again, really?
I don't know-
a part of me wants another baby to hold, the other part says I have enough-