wild?

I been asking myself where oh where did my wild side go? I realized that my husband never got to meet the crazy carrie, (not that is really a bad thing.) but i guess i sorta got offended when a friend of mine (i know you read my blog, i still love you and your a great friend, and really dont know what i would do with out you in my life) applied it might be to much for me to go out to a club..in after thought, i wanted to say do you remember when we did crazy things together..
i know my friend didnt mean to offend me, its just i been missing the other part of me (not that i really want to revert to that time in my life) just a little bit, the wild side that traveled around the country by herself, the girl who flew by the seat of her pants, who didn't worry about stability...etc, etc. I guess what i am saying for a day, perhaps an hour it be nice to feel free again. but i realize that time is over for me, i ate a lot of metaphoric cake during that time period. i had a lot of fun, but i also had a lot of heartache, and made a lot of stupid decisions. i am happy to be where i am at, its good..
as i grow i realize i have two different personalities, i think this is what happens when you are a virgo-libra mix, as my husbands puts it i am anal retentive about pleasing people.. but theres a part of me that needs to feel like she fits in, is a part of the crowd that is accepted by society, and there is a part of me who is a loner, who hates society, and hates to conform..so finding a balance, is hard...anyways so i guess my loner side wants to feel in the incrowd this morning, and all this sorta sprung up because i got scared.
i never really got scared by people before, but i guess i realize that my life is important, that my existence helps my child existence, thus i am a lot more nervous about my own safety. where i in the past could take off by myself without a care about my own personal safety, now i question is it safe enough. this bugs me, because a part of this i feel is brought on my the media, i know that most rapes and murders are from someone you know, is like 3% of rapes happen from a complete stranger, and i think the statistics hold true to murder..
but i got the hey baby, honey come over here, at 7am this morning when i was walking to get my coffee, because i am a bit of a coffee snob..and it bothered me that i felt unsafe.sigh..
i mean i use to walk in getto and tried to get people out to vote, and i got hey baby about 3 times a day..and now i am rushing to the store, and then rushing to lock my car doors? i mean the police were at the corner at the street...

ok so i am really not getting this new time change to save energy thing, i think its a bunch of crapo la, waking up when its dark saves energy how? i mean your going to turn on the light...
and its really not turning on the lights thats killing the enviorment (though theres a lot better ways to harness electricity) its the car that gets me to work, the fact that we build build build, and dont recycle, any of our resources...any how...because of mr. bushs plan my job is impossible to do, because i do calendering, yes i work with scheduling time...and guess what the program is down..

not that i really mind updating my blog, but it means that i have to go call someone from IT, and the company i work for outsource there IT (tech people) which doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me....to see why the program is not adding on the ad on...

anyhow we think we are going to look in buying our first home, because charles credit sucks balls i have to ask my dad to ask my mom (yes this is how financial things work with her) to co sign a mortgage with me...

we found some houses on the web that looked night and under 110,000 and still in the zip code we live in...

so...it will be fun...

ok i guess i will try to do my job now, hahah