....

tomorrow is another anniversary of sorts- one much sadder of nature-

On the 20th of June last year, we lost a very good friend. We lost a friend to addiction, depression and what i like to call 'accidental suicide'-or just plain suicide, i don't know all of the details-they come out slowly dripping-

So here it goes-

when one thinks of addict, one would not picture Bryon- Even though he proclaim he was, and in a sense he was sickly proud of it. His proclamation came in what I like to call his 'end days;. (In my mind my last moments with him, the end by the doors is the soundtrack). Bryon was not a normal addict. He was highly functional, with a tremendous IQ. He graduated with 3.7 from a private college. He was editor of the college newspaper, worked ironically for campus police. He took every job he did, somewhat too seriously. He could out wit the devil- He had a knack for '2' dollar words-
There is more to him, then I could write, or say, or express.

I knew, in my heart, that his addiction would be his failing point. At first I felt a overpowering sense of guilt, that I didn't do more. That I didn't drive his ass to a rehab center. Even if I drove him, he would escape, or become an addicted to 'therapeutic' drugs. Bryon knew he had a problem, but testing the limits, was a part of his personality- A beautiful flaw. I know now that nothing I could do could save him. It took me a few months to understand this. Guilt is easy-

Anger comes next-

But I never really felt a spew of anger towards him, just a mound of utter disappointment.

I still feel disappointed, and sadden.

But I remember he was too brilliant- just like fire in the night-
he wad dependable. He sat in the room with me when I was going through my 36 hours of labor. He gave the wedding ring to my husband that I still wear. I spent six hours in a van with him, just talking candidly. With out him, it's possible I wouldn't be married, I wouldn't have my child-
Bryon had a different relationship with everyone he met- he was truly an interesting soul, and he had a purpose in my life. One that is not measurable.

But he is not a saint, and I will not remember him that way. Just who he was to me.

That's all for now- This is for Bryon-

Leftover Crack

Soon We'll Be Dead Lyrics


Soon I'll be dead, I'll lay in my bed
I've made in my years, I won't shed a tear

We're all guilty anyways
The dumb games we all play
All tarnished and scarred, when did life get so hard?

We'll drink to aulde lang syne,
With fortified wine,
We'll drink to tymes olde from pitchers of gold.

Soon we'll be dead,
To death we'll be wed,
We'll slip on the ring, it ain't a big thing

And though you may curse 'thee',
We're angels of mercy
And sometimes we fall; ya can't win them all.
(Or can you?)

I'll pass out at dawn,
And dream of friends gone.
As the morbid embrace warms over my face.

And soon we'll be dead, (Yeah, soon we'll be dead)
Our brains and our heads, (My brains and my head)
They've always forgotten, when did life get so rotten?

Soon I'll be dead,
I'll lay in my bed.
I've made in my years, I won't shed a tear

Soon we'll be dead, (Soon we'll be dead)
We'll lay in our beds, (We'll lay in our beds)
We've made in our years, we won't shed a tear.

Soon we'll be dead,
Our brains and our heads,
They've always forgotten, when did life get so rotten? (Yeah)

We won't shed a tear...

(If we leave the responsibility of tomorrow up to institutions like the World Trade Organization, the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund, we're dooming ourselves to a future of corporate feudalism and ecological catastrophe.)