Not so good-

Everyone is asleep in the house, but me.

My marriage has been one hell of a rocky ride recently, and my heart strings are tearing. I am hoping working on my mental health problems, will give some relief. I am waiting for the man to process our health insurance papers, so I can go to a decent therapist, and start to sort through the pile of garbage I carry with me.
I have hours of working on trust in relationship, erasing the edges that male figure is the implication of my father, the fear that I am turning into the image of my mother. Hours to build up my fragile self ego.
I realized this life time is to damn short, to always be in the sea of depression, and I am missing out.

The pile of bills we have, doesn't help the stress issues very well. Credit is a bitch, and they have cut back my hours at work. hopefully the grant and loan money will ooze in.

I am making my own birthday party, for years I have hated that day. Usually my heart cries. I have not reach any goals, or at least I feel that way. I am always in the state of feeling lost. But I do have a plan, and again I am thinking of selling some art. I always feel alone on my birthday. So this year I am inviting people out, please leave her drama at the door. party includes dinner/drinking- or whatever if you don't drink, it's on sept the 20th, the day after my birthday, but most mama/papa's can't get out for a Friday night.

i don't talk about my past life very often- or early adulthood, where I didn't make the greatest choices- I am not ashamed at my period of rebellion and youth, it's a phase I had to go through, and there were highs and lows to it.

I have had three significant relationships with the male sex, ones that matter, and lasted longer then a six month time span. My middle relationship was with B-
who recently I have found out is in jail, out on bond, or got off on charges. I don't know the details of what happened to him, other then a happy article on channel nine internet news. I guess I could look again at the clerk of courts website, but eh-
it's one of those things I knew was coming for him, when I met him. He drew way to much attention to himself, and was stupid about how he openly spoke about 'drugs'.
It's something throughout our relationship I warned him time and time again- hoping that he would get it. But apparently he didn't. A part of me is sadden, because I believe in the best of people, and I am sad for his family. But on the other hand, he had it coming, and I hope he finally learns, that that lifestyle needs to die, and let it go.